Diet is a dirty word,
but much like other dirty words, the older we get the more we tend to use it.
My body type is often described as the following: Plus Size, Curvy, Voluptuous, Soft, Real, Horizontally challenged and my personal favourite : “Just more for a Man to love”. So if you haven’t guesses yet, Im a size 16-18. (5’6″ and a nice sized “upper deck”). And most of the time I am ok with that.
I’ve cared about my weight since I can remember, I remember sitting with my cousins on their dock when I would have been 13 or 14 eating Sun Chips and looking at the label thinking “Maybe if I only eat a few, I can look like them”. That didn’t work. I was still the one with a one piece suit while they wore cute little bikinis that when I look back were borderline in appropriate. Anywhoozle.
I started my first real diet when I was a Junior in high school, it was a modified Atkins diet (Low carb essentially) and I felt great. My guy friends started telling me I look good. Then I got a job as a sports camp councillor and I was being paid to be active for 8 hours a day for 5 days a week. I started my senior year looking as good as I ever would in high school. I was tanned, blonde and in the neighbourhood of “in shape”
I kept it pretty much under control all through senior year, then came university. The freshman 15 turned into the freshman 30 pretty quickly for me, I didn’t diet again until mid-way through my Junior year of university. (seems like I have a thing for losing weight in the 3rd year of things)
That diet started by accident, I got super sick for a week (I’m sure it was Strep Throat) and couldn’t eat for a week. I survived mainly on Honey Lemon Tea, coffee and Chicken Broth. At the end of the week, one of my good friends at the time looked at me and we had this conversation:
Merhan: Keir you look great, what have you been doing?
Me: I’ve been sick and not eating
Merhan: Its working for you
Me: I havent ate something solid in a week
Merhan: Thats awesome!
So I kept it up, and steadily lost weight for the rest of the school year (I was also hella poor and couldn’t afford to eat out or drink) Then I went home for the summer and my parents and I went on Weight Watchers together. I lost almost 45 pounds, my mom (small to begin with) lost 20 and my father lost almost 65. Again I started my senior year feeling great.
Since then I dieted off and on, nothing more serious then a month. Sometimes giving myself “challenges” to try to push myself to be healthier but they never seem to work after the challenge ends. I’ve gained and lost weight, never really keeping a constant weight. But sometimes thats how she goes.
When I came back East to see Springsteen this summer I decided to change some things, so when I went back I tried to be healthier, and was loosing a bit, my friend Salma commented a few times that I looked thinner. Since I’ve been back with my parents I’ve been trying to eat better, and I am happy to report that my pants are a bit looser and so are a few of my tops since I got here.
I think what I want is to just feel good again, to feel good in the clothes I have and not get depressed when I buy new ones. I want to feel pretty, I want guys to buy me a drink at the bar and make me feel pretty, I want to be able to borrow clothes from CJ and Salma, and I want to be more confident, and its on my shoulders to do that. No one else will stop me from eating the entire bag of chips, or adding gravy to my fries at work but myself.
When I go back, I’m going to make some changes to my eating habits and my life in general. But I’m not 100% sure what they are yet.
‘An Attempt to Tip the Scales’ is a season 3 episode of One Tree Hill and its a song by Bright Eyes. And its what I want to do, tip the scales in a good way, not a bad way.
so stay tuned
until next time
– be a river with me